Saturday, January 23, 2010

My girlfriend's mom hates me

Dear Suhail,
My girlfriend and I are very in love and have been living together for almost two years.  When I first met her parents, they thought I was a real gentleman.  Now, my girlfriend's mom hates me. It's confusing. Her dad still likes me, but now her mom strongly disapproves, telling my girlfriend terrible, untrue things about me. For example, my girlfriend's mom has actually warned my girlfriend that I will become abusive and that I'll never be able to provide for her.  Why does her mom suddenly have such an intensely different opinion of me? We are going to visit her family for the holidays and I'm dreading every minute of it. What should I do?
Fretting For Christmas

If you are in love and you've been living with your lady for two years now, you are showing signs of permanent relationship status. This means you can theoretically treat your girlfriend's mom as a mother-in-law. Bear in mind that the trope of a treacherous mother-in-law does not exist for nothing.
Generally, mothers think that no one is good enough for their babies. You could be a Nobel Peace Prize laureate and your lover's mother is likely to disapprove of you. The thing to remember is that you can not afford to take it personally.

Has your girlfriend brought guys home to meet the parents before? It is possible that her mother was sweet to you in the beginning because she thought you were just another temporary guy passing through. Maybe she was nice to you because she thought you'd be out of the picture soon enough and she could forget about you. Now that you've been living with her daughter for two years, your theoretical mother-in-law might be realizing she really has to get to know this man that's taking her daughter away from her.

Whatever the case, when you go to visit your girlfriend's family, don't try to mind read, and do not, I repeat do not, think antagonistically! There is no enemy! Your best course of action is to be a good man and trust the love you have. Be as good to your lady as you can.  Remember, you're living with her, not her mom. Grin and bear your theoretical mother-in-law's scorn for a few days during the holiday visit. Who knows, she may just come around. But don't bet on it.

Need a lighthouse in the winsome fog of love and relationships? Ask Suhail.

©2009 by Suhail Rafidi

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