Dear Suhail,
I'm into a woman that goes to the same local bar as me. We've chatted on and off over drinks at Red Door East for about a year. We see each other there pretty much every week. But in the last couple weeks, we've really warmed up to each other. This past Friday we hung out at the bar drinking until 1:00 A.M. We cozied up and I put my hand on her knee. She put her arm around me as we talked with some mutual friends. Though we went home separately, she texted at 2:40 A.M. before bed, to say goodnight and that we should check out her friend's band on Broadway the next night. She never contacted me Saturday. The weekend is over now. I don't want to call her during the week. I don't want to bug her, or seem desperate or come on too strong. What should I do?
Attracted, But Nervous
You've had some tantalizing flirtation with this woman, and you are wondering when to make your move. Well, don't wonder too long, or you risk ending up in the "friend zone." It sounds like she has finished sizing you up and she wants you to ask her out. Just because she didn't call you on Saturday doesn't mean she didn't want you to join her. Heck, she was thinking about you at 3 AM the night before! She may have stayed in Saturday, or done family stuff, or gone to see the band alone. In truth, you don't know what she did Saturday because you haven't asked.
Since you've been casual acquaintances for so long on the local bar level, it's time to up the ante. You sound ambivalent about calling her during the week. Maybe you don't have to. If you cross paths at the bar every week, ask her out next time you see her at the bar. But ask her out!
Think of a unique new place to spend a little time together, not another bar. It's a good idea to involve food. If dinner feels like you're coming on "too strong" (or too boring), suggest brunch, or some civic culture like TPAC, or try some comedy at Zanie's, or even a ball game. Ask her out! Go for it! It may be exactly what she's been trying to get you to do.
And, for goodness sake, if dating goes well and you want to kiss her, don't ask first! And don't apologize after. Just kiss her. You'll know if it's right.
Need a lighthouse in the winsome fog of love and relationships? Ask Suhail.
©2009 by Suhail Rafidi
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